Continuous ~~
Do you know how hard it is to run in circles? How it cuts deep being hurt for the same reason over and over again? I look back on things and it seemed like i have never moved a muscle in this very spot. Suddenly. It felt as if it was only last night’s nightmare, wounds get fresh and my tears are falling uncontrollably for no apparent reason. It is beyond my senses how It makes me feel so weak, so wasted crying over an old grief suppressed by frustration and self-pity. DAMN! T.T
Only to my small world, i could breakdown freely when no eyes watching, no murmurs echoing, no one knows, not even him, especially him, of course. Not even a slightest idea could leak out between me, my blog and to my followers. I made sure it’s just a little girl’s hidden weakness masked by smile that does not even seem to reach the eyes. It maybe because i don’t think he has to know any sort of it, better let things go in their way, no fuss. He don’t deserve to hear them, he don’t deserve see me cry.. No…. :(
Mindless…. (>.<”)
There’s always gonna be this one person that i can love and love and love no matter what. Despite the fact that this person is the hardest one to deal with or the ever egoistic man alive, he still holds this special, discreet space in my heart. I know how it sounds so ridiculous for giving myself too much, but something tells me, it wont harm me either way. So, I’ve given up a part of me which he can break or make. That’s how the story will go, lost love still growing and taking control of it. :/
Wrecked Wednesdays! BOO ~
So, here comes Wednesday, the ever wrecked day of the rest of the week. Gladly, announcements happened to flood so early in the morning, I was being bummed by the sudden invasion of text messages from different sectors of the world! But the highlight about it, is that, Wednesday classes are officially CANCELLED due to disturbance in mostly area of NCR, CALABARZON, wherever! I am not really informed with its ins and outs because the only thing that I care the most was that, I am bound to stay at home all day! A chance of skipping the Wednesday classes which I must say are pretty messed up and too much burden to handle.
You see, my Wednesdays ever since this semester started, the scenario has always been the same; getting up so early in the morning, I really must pull myself out from the comfort and warmth of my bed, have a quick bath, grab whatever to eat and maybe pack lunch or bring some biscuits and sandwiches and chip, whatever available! Then I gotta pat dry my hair, before leaving apply light make-up, then prepare my uniform for the next class, then my shoes, my folder, and all the perks, fixed in a tote bag and also got another handcarry in my shoulder. Just imagine how inconvenient I look!
And so I’ll make my way to Siena College of Taytay, move up to the topmost floor of St. Thomas Building, then after the roll call of names, all of us we’ll get down to the open grounds of St. Martin Complex. We’ll sweat up a bit, playing basketball. Afterwards, we’re gonna fix and change from PE uniform to our daily. These sequences of episodes are no intervals, no breaks, as in! So we gotta rush back to St. Thomas and attend our next subject which roughly goes about 3 hours of lecture and through its tormenting and nerve-racking hours, we were like vegetables, hungry and drained! But hey, there’s still one subject left. Right after the very minute of the previous class, another 3-hour class of lecture. FTW!
So that’s how I illustrate my Wednesdays through its jumbled series of arrangement! Bet you guys sympathize with me right after reading this. :)
(………….)
I overthink. And it turns out to be a habit. It’s hard to control your thinking especially if it gives you something to hold on to. But the worst part bout it, is when you feel your feet on the ground which gives you a hint that you have to live in reality. Suddenly, you could almost feel your heart beats, though in nothingness it doesn’t feel any emotion. It’s useless, hollow space.
For someone who’s crushing on someone ♥
I’m not really good at blurting things out and normally, i just let things get in their way. Though I have got a lot to say, still I don’t know exactly how I’m gon’ put this in a way that you’ll get my point without being misunderstood or worse, get it the other way ‘round. But you see, this starts to be like out of my control and it’s kinda alarming how it takes over.
So, I guess, Imma need to say this or else everything shuts off. And yes, inflicting in my part to like you. I like you! HELL! I can barely believe it myself how i got it there. Just turned to be so shocking and overpowering at the same time, And it is INSANE! REALLY IS!
And since, you are the very reason why i drive myself crazy, those sleepless nights, bugging thoughts and every nonsense statuses and this and that, might as well sweat it off. Thinking that this may open up a door between the two of us and have the courage to say these all straight to your face. Not to care, how awkward or distracting it may look like, cause you know, I AM PANICKING! O.O
Dear Edward Cullen,
Hi! What’s up? I know this is kinda crazy and I don’t know where are all these things coming from but honestly, I just fell into a deep thinking if I ever met you already or you are still somewhere away from me, busy with your thing not knowing that I exist but you know, I am very hopeful and quite certain that one day, We’ll cross our paths.
Right now, I’m living my life in a solo flight. I don’t really mind being single, you see, I have already been with some guys, those whom I thought was you. But well, I was mistaken by their pretty lies and boyish smile. Though, some of those relationships lasted for a year or less, I still could not see them as you. You are not like the others. I don’t know exactly why, but I know when I find you, I will see it.
I must admit that I have spent some nights thinking about how you look like, who are you like, wondering if you think of me, too. Silly. But seriously, I am waiting for you to come. I don’t wanna rush things, It will take time, i guess. Maybe, longer than I think but no matter what, I know you are all worth the wait.
For now, I’ll just picture you in my mind to keep myself inspired each day. And one day, you’ll find me despite the fact how big this world may be or how many billions of people are here living. Just don’t skip a step, I will wait and meet you halfway! ♥
Your Bella Swan. ♥
Last July 1, 2011, I got this award which I thought is something I shouldn’t brag about. You see, I haven’t reach the peak yet but somehow, It made me happy that everything I’ve gone through in my first year as college student were paid off. Though there are still many things to look forward to and work hard on but looking at this rectangular piece of paper makes me inspired and eager to do better. Actually, that day when I got myself awarded, I still couldn’t believe it not until now. You know why? ‘cause I was not really the type of a studious and diligent student back in my high school days. So this award is something like ‘this-is-impossible’ moment of my life.
Well, back to my HS DAYS, I was this girl, just this girl who only talks about make-ups, parties, gossips and boys! anything that seemed to be exciting for a teenager. of course, I hang out with this group of girls who seemed to be like me. and until now, we still have that friendship. when i told them about this reward, i got their eyes widened out of disbelief! hahaha :D
Anyways, i remember when i was in HS, i never left the house without my whole make-up kit which contains the big hairbrush, full face-sized mirror, mascara, eyelash curler, blush-on, lipgloss, eyeliner in different colors, you name it! and the likes. when i enter the class, i brush my hair even the teacher was around the corner, then before break time, I would brush it again, then before the next subject starts, same scenario! the main reason why my teachers have this special attention on me!
There were times before when I got myself into trouble, many times. The usual things, insecurity, vanity and sometimes, about boys, nonsense. Though I’m not the one initiating it, still I fought for myself which led to major disaster! and the bad thing about it, is my mom has to drag herself just to salt away the issue. Disappointment! yeah, i was once a big failure to her, to my family. and once a failure, always a failure. Not even a single academic award would compensate the wrong things I’ve done before. There are miles and miles ahead to cover up the messy and hideous person I used to be.
So, here I am, the re-invented Dame Syvil Aureo, impassable as it may seem, but right now, I know I am on the right track. So Hello, Challenges! D’you think I am coward? NAH-AH AH! Try me! :)
I dunno why at some point people try to fake things. Why in some situations they tend to just say ‘I’m okay’ instead of fixing things to stop the cold war? You see, this is how the story went…
These girls I’ve been with for so long seem to have a misunderstanding over a guy. I was not really involved with this but somehow I am kinda affected on how our friendship got ruined just because of that unfixed business. The five of us are like sisters. We tell each other EVERYTHING of EVERY THING! then now, It starts to be like it all went to waste. well, I’m still hopeful that some day, somehow, after all that was said and happened, everything will be back to how it used to be and how it SHOULD be! We’re sister, I know things will find its way! I love them! :)
♥♥♥
Just when you thought you are really over him, HE TEXT. and suddenly, all the feelings left unrecognized came rushing back and you realized you are still on the same spot. the same old story! :/
I hate unfriendly girls.
The girls that glare when they see you, although they’ve never met you. The bitches that judge you, but don’t try to get to know you. I hate girls like that, they’re annoying and shallow. Grow the fuck up.
(Source: dianakris)
